He knows my grief

I sat with a friend the other day who is facing grief at such a depth and I was reminded how words never seem enough in these moments. We were at this time speaking of how her son would grow up without a father - the heart wrenching stuff you never want to talk about.It suddenly came to mind that Jesus lost his father. There is no mention of Joseph after Jesus is 12 . I mentioned this to my friend and she said ‘if only the Bible told us how he coped?’ It got me thinking about how Jesus did cope with grief. We are told He experienced the same things as us being fully God and fully man and all of us at some time in our life will experience some level of grief. So how did He cope?

He Withdrew (Matthew 14:13) (John the Baptist)

His cousin had died. This wasn’t a distant cousin whom he didn’t really know. Some might say John was like a brother to him. They first techinically met through their mothers when both were in the womb. We are told in Luke 1:41 that John lept for joy knowing Jesus, the saviour of the world was in Mary’s belly (and who can say life begins at birth?!). John was instrumental in the baptism of Jesus, as well as before this laying the ground, preparing the way for Jesus to come. They were close. When John died it was brutal and unfair and full of injustice. It would have been hard to hear. I try not to think too often of those last memories of my Dad as he passed from this earth to eternity. I have trained my mind to picture him running a race into heaven rather than picture some of the awful last moments. When Jesus heard of John’s passing and heard the way he died he must of had those mental pictures in his head of what happened to him. That’s traumatising. Jesus was human so would have felt the trauma anyone would feel. And we are told he withdrew to a solitary place. This is such a normal response! It’s like a cry of ‘help, I need to get away from everything! The pain is too hard to bare in front of others! Get me away from here!’ Even the son of God needed space to heal. So do you! Give yourself time. Give yourself space. Don’t isolate to a point of the exclusion of others (that won’t help either!) but give yourself space to breathe and recover.

He Served Others (Matthew 14:14) (John the Baptist)

The passage goes on very quickly to see that he was in some ways swept away by the crowd. Sometimes I’ve read this and felt frustrated for him! ‘Give him some time to grieve!!!’ But I wonder whether there is something to learn in this. Grief can be so all encompassing. Sometimes it feels like it’s going to swallow you up. The pain is so intense. What I did find in grief was that my compassion levels for others became different. I found myself crying at everyone’s grief. At times I felt bad, knowing my grief was blurring into theirs and that didn’t feel fair, but upon reflection I was feeling deep empathy because I had, to some extent, walked in their shoes. It wasn’t too long after losing my dad that Covid started and we saw people facing intense levels of grief all across the world. I, at the time ran a food bank for people in our community. Being able to ‘sort help’ for people gave me a kind of outlet for my grief. I also remember chatting to volunteers whilst stacking shelves who were also facing grief and being able to offer advice. I look back now and wonder if this was part of my healing?

He Wept (John 11) (Lazarus)

We now see Jesus experiencing yet another grief. This time a close friend, Lazarus. If you have seen the chosen you will remember the scene where Jesus weeps. It really moved me. In some ways more than reading two small words ‘Jesus wept’. It might be the shortest verse in the Bible but what it conveys is huge. There is a weeping that isn’t quiet or contained but loud, ugly and awkward to be around. That’s what happens in grief unless you are repressing feelings (not a good thing as it will come out some other way otherwise!). I’m relieved to know Jesus wept. To know he felt what I felt at the worst points of my grief. It gives me permission to not just cry but allow myself to feel the pain. It’s ok. There are some beautiful verses in the Bible about tears. Psalm 56:8 (MSG)

 You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn  through the sleepless nights,Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.

Isaiah 25:8 talks of how there will be a day where there will be no more tears:

he will swallow up death forever.The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears    from all faces...

And so, to conclude, you can be assured that Jesus is familiar with your grief. Isaiah 53:5 says, speaking of Jesus ‘surely he took up our pain, and bore our suffering..’ He is with you in your pain. He cries with you! He walks alongside you. He wraps his arms around you.